after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize