he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
