Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize