I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
