The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
