Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize