No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
