Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
