areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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