You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize