fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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