I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
