The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize