I love black thongs
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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