You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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