So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
