So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
