I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
