You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
