I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
