i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just want to make out with him forever
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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