I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
