HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
