What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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