in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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