No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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