he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
