and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
