so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
God, I missed his penis.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
