My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
