I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
