So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
