the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
