I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
