grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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