i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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