Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
