fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
