I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just high enough for therapy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
