I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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