He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
