told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
