Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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