yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
