Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
