Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
