he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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