Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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