listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
