It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He has the fingertips of a God
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
