i just had sex bonerless
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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