CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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