Me. At least after what I've been through.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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