I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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