Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
