Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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