Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
