Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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