Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
