What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
