I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
