if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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