he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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