What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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