its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
