If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
